The first was when I was at university — three interminable years of watching from the sidelines as my friends fell in and out of love, and worse, hearing them make out noisily in our shared house, where the huge Victorian rooms had been divided into two by plywood partitions. The second was in my late 20s and early 30s, when I was changing jobs regularly and having to go through the same getting-to-know you scenario, which, of course, involved being asked about my love life.
I know that many of my colleagues in my previous job thought I was gay, particularly when I started holidaying regularly with the same friend after her divorce — so I would make a song and dance about mentioning her children. The third time was in my mid- to lates when all my friends got married. It was incredible — I was invited to four weddings no funerals, thank goodness the year I turned That is when I decided to join a dating agency , but it turned out to be one soul-sinking encounter after another with men who were inadequate, unsuitable or both.
The best thing about those evenings was going home. The dating agency experience was definitely my nadir.
After that, I seemed to turn a corner and, over the years, I have become incrementally more and more accepting of my singledom — as have my parents and friends. The one remarkable thing about me has finally become unremarkable — in as far as people have stopped remarking on it.
The fact that I have never dated is not something I want the world to know, but I am much more comfortable with being single now than when I was young.
That is a phrase coined by Dr Bella DePaulo , while she was a project scientist at the University of California, to describe people who are somehow programmed to be single.
DePaulo is an expert on the subject. She has been studying singletons for decades, and speaks from personal experience because she has never been in a relationship, either. Her TED talk, in which she proudly announced this , was fantastic.
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